9 months:
9 questions for Noah Mackenzie
It’s been three months of pretty serious movement around here, and while Noah’s moved to some solid foods and many things are pureed and minced, one thing Noah never minces is her words, and even if she can’t quite use ’em yet, we all agree that her answers to these crucial questions are pretty clear.
* Additional commentary, where appropriate, by Daddy-O
1If you gave up your amateur status drooling and turned pro, what kind of endorsement deals do you think you’d qualify for? Visitors are encouraged to bring their own tarp, colour unimportant. |
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2Why do you think it is that you’re the only member of the household to have a meal consisting of strained squash, pureed peas, boiled potato and unadorned rice cereal, yet no-one has remembered the basic courtesy of offering you a piece of cake? Of the above, pumpkin thus far the winner, if only because it makes for a prettier colour, and mostly matches the walls it often ends up on. |
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3You’re having a bang-up time on your very first summer vacation, just getting away from it all, aren’t you? You don’t mind that your parents didn’t take you somewhere warm, like, say, the Yukon, do you? This expression, and many like it, were made on the very first “summer” vacation; thanks for the tocques, everyone. |
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4Are you trying to tell us you know that was two questions above, and you’re just humouring us? Actually, it’s more likely she’s asking someone to throw another rock on the sauna, which she quite enjoys. |
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5Tell us, how exactly did you come by the nickname “Grumpus B. Gumdrop”? ‘Noah Krakatoa’ has been pretty much retired, praise be, and though ‘Curly Q. Cupcake’ was suggested as a nickname for happy moments, it hasn’t stuck the way ‘Grumpus’ has. |
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6Did Daddy miss his calling as a hair stylist, or is this just an Astro-Boy phase that he’ll grow out of? Boy, did Daddy get in trouble for this one, but come on, doesn’t she look cool like this? Register your votes: Yes | No. |
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7Philosophically speaking, do you consider yourself to be upside down, backwards, tilted, askew, flipped or flopped? A thoroughly pomo baby, Noah realizes this is a trick question, as context is everything. |
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8If you and your little buddies were to produce a neighbourhood theatrical version of The Godfather, would you audition for the title role, or just claim it outright? The relative menace of such a role being, of course, mitigated by the sun bonnet, which has only recently been replaced by the above-mentioned tocques in the stylish baby’s wardrobe. |
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9What are you going to do next? Most likely, whatever is louder, faster, or noisier. |
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Footnote to clear up some still-outstanding confusion: Noah is in fact a girl, not a boy. All the pink is a clue.
