James's blog

Better rifle through your wallet,
Dontcha be too proud,
Cos you’re all gonna subscribe,
To the ’Dobe Creative Cloud!

Get on your knees, you lowly supplicator,
Prepare to run the Adobe App Updater,
Better make a little prayer, better leave a little offering,
Say, got yer soul handy? Time for a proffering.

Is that a lousy rhyme? You’ll find a better one,
Lots of time left ’fore the first download is done,
Now you know what they say, a watched pot never—
Whoops! Timeout error,  it’s a futile endeavour!

Well I stepped in some shit,
With holes in my shoes,
An’ I didn’t even care,
Cos I got the Wordpress Blues.

My dog up and croaked,
But mister, there’s worse news,
It stripped out all my <p> tags,
Lord, spare me the Wordpress Blues.

’Ere’s rain coming through the ceiling,
& smoke coming out the flues,
Someone hardcoded ’ese goddamned ID’s,
Sir, I got the WordPress Blues.

Ah got me the WordPress Blues, yes ah do, yes ah do…
Cos I woke up this morning, an’ I entered some code…

…But when I saw what you’d done, things did not well bode
You chopped out my <p>, an’ I was too sick to laugh… (that’s a rhyme, foax…)

…Ah was trying to sort, and yew made me ready for le Morte
d’Arthur. Your widgets so tiny, an’ my hand all sweaty an’ shiny…

…You screwed me for the last time, Wordpress, you screwed me for the last time
Til Monday. Blue Monday… (Kazoo solo)…

Once more, with feeling:

A is for array,
    with values and keys;
B is for boolean,
    true or false, don’t tease!

C is for constant,
    defined only once;
So you’d better get it right,
    coz D is for dunce.

Funny you should ask. Six years ago today, we were starting to ask the very same thing of you: it was your very first day, outside, breathing air, seeing the world. It’s overwhelming to think of it now, almost as much as it was at the time. Your very first day, with your whole life in front of you.